Getting Z’s Paperwork

I had a homebirth.

An UNASSISTED homebirth.

Arizona is supposed to be one of the best states to have an unassisted homebirth, getting the paperwork and everything is supposed to be one of the easiest, right? Thanks for not doing complete homework Laura Shanley. Haha.

The legality of unassisted homebirth in Arizona IS one of the best and easiest…. Of course I don’t tell  lot of people because CPS reigns king around here and if you don’t drink or smoke pot, but your house is a mess, your kids will get taken away. If you’re a pothead, the state thinks you’re a fucking awesome parent though! …*head shaking*

Getting the birth certificate is like jumping through hoops. Especially since I had an unassisted pregnancy. That means no doctors or documentation to prove I was pregnant. I did have an elective ultrasound at 20 weeks, but since that wasn’t at a doctor’s office I guess it doesn’t count.

I took Z to a chiropractor at 2 weeks old to have a doctor’s paper for her.
I gathered my ultrasound pictures – that had the date, but not my name. Therefore, doesn’t count.
I should have grabbed a pregnancy test. We were TTC, so I bought the 50 pack off of Amazon.
Got the lease for proof of address.
Went to Kinkos and printed out a credit card statement for the month with my address.

Then, the thing that screws us over in the end? The paternity affidavit that we had signed in front of a notary.
The date was mismatched. The notary signed with the wrong flipping date! Don’t go to Mexican notary places that double as title loan shops.

Now I had to go back home and have the Hubby sign it again and have his friend witness it.
Well, my husband can’t do anything without me, so he didn’t send it off (I went to hang out at my mom’s for a week and make cloth diapers). I get home and he flipping lost it! Eventually we find it and before it gets mailed off, someone spills water on it and we lose the envelope the lady at Vital Records stamped for us to send her the affidavit. So I have to decipher the address, then we have to send it off.

A month later, 3 months and two weeks after my baby is born, we FINALLY get the birth certificate in the mail.
We got the social security card a month before this because she registered the birth when I went in and found out that the affidavit had the wrong date. Nobody takes social security cards for proof of identity because there are too many wetbacks walking around with other peoples’ Socials. Especially in Arizona.
The thing that pisses me off is that I sent in the paperwork after we finally picked a name after Z was born, before the 7-day deadline for reporting a homebirth. Followed the actual homebirth directions. And then I had to do all this hoop-jumping after finding out that they don’t actually go by the instructions in the packet (fill out the paperwork and your done), they have a whole other agenda for parents who go against the grain of society, and they want us to suffer for it.

That said, if I would have had a MEDwife, then I would have been golden and it would have been done the day baby was born.

Fuck the governmental bureaucratic bullshawitz.

I don’t give a shit about the paperwork, no matter how many subsequent kids we end up having, I’m never setting foot in a hospital, doctor’s clinic, of “midwife’s” office. UNASSISTED ALL THE WAY. My homebirth was probably the best thing that I’ve ever done, despite all the hoop jumping to make my kid an American… Which I’m pretty sure doesn’t matter anyways, hell Obama isn’t even a citizen and he got to be president, right? 😉


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